I became a mother fairly young, just 4 days shy of 20 years old. My oldest child was not planned; I was about 6 months away from graduating college with my associates degree, I was working a low-level job in retail, I was even still living at home with my parents. The whole thing, on paper, wasn’t the greatest.
My (now) fiancé and I had no idea what we were doing. He was also close to graduating college, as well as in the middle of an apprenticeship to become a tattoo artist. Now let me emphasize one more time; we had no idea what we were doing. Most new parents don’t.
We were used to doing what we wanted to do, whenever we wanted to do it. Sleeping in on days off, spending money frivolously. We didn’t know what being parents entailed, but we knew one thing, we were so damn excited to be parents.
I remember before my son was born, I was so incredibly worried. I was worried about whether or not I would be a good mother. Would I be enough for him? Would I love him endlessly? Would I be able to care for him both emotionally and financially? So many fears ran through my head.
The moment he was born, all of my fears vanished. I knew in my heart that I loved this child more than I’ve ever loved anything, and I would do anything necessary to make sure his life was the best it could be. I knew that even on days that I felt empty; on days I didn’t feel worthy of his love and affection, that I was enough for him.
I will say, though, that not every woman bonds with their baby immediately. And if you didn’t experience this, it’s okay. Not everyone experiences everything the same as others. Sometimes moms don’t bond with their baby until they learn to smile, or until they learn to laugh. Sometimes it’s as far as not fully bonding until your baby starts calling you ‘mama’. All of these things are normal.
Though, one reason you may not be bonding with your child could be that you are suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is actually much more common than most people think; 1 out of every 9 mothers suffers from postpartum depression. I will be making more detailed posts in the future about this subject, but for now, if you believe you are suffering from postpartum depression, please reach out. Whether it be your doctor, midwife, husband, family members, or a close friend; talk about it. Address it. Know that you are strong, you are capable, you are a good mother. Do what you need to do to continue being a good mother.
Some women begin to feel better just from having an outlet, and some women need medication to start to feel normal again, but no matter what it takes, please remember that your feelings are valid. Your struggle is real. But that you are strong enough to get through this.
The transition from being a carefree teenager to having a newborn seemed effortless, yet incredibly hard. That doesn’t make any sense, does it? All of the sudden, a tiny baby relied on me for absolutely everything. Feeding and diaper changes every 2-3 hours; sitting up rocking him back to sleep for what seemed like hours, jolting myself awake to check on his breathing. The newborn stage is hard. Very hard.
You’re more exhausted than you’ve ever been in your life, you’re incredibly touched out. But let me just say, the newborn stage passes so incredibly fast. It gets easier in some ways, and harder in others. They’ll start sleeping more, they’ll become more independent…and that might make you sad. It might make you miss when they were smaller and needed you more. But I promise, with each milestone they reach; the first time they crawl, their first words, hearing their first laugh, all of it is so incredibly rewarding.
The transition is hard, for some it’s harder than others. But I want you to remember that for every sleepless night, every frustrating moment, you will have a million moments that make it all so incredibly worth it.
The Postpartum Guide 